Monday, February 2, 2009
yes, tts whats been bothering me all the time. the reason why i share, is that i do have that belief in eveyone who reads this. these few days, even though i dont seem emo, u can tell that i can hide emotions with my retardedness easily. so.. the more retarded i seem, the more emo i am inside. no, this is not a post of confession. but this is a post where i want to share my past. before God came into my life, i did have a relationship, but as u can see, it went through. i thought that i could live life again with God, which is true. yet.. the feeling has come back. at first i thought i could bear with it and get along with my life. however, what i didnt know is that the feeling grew worse each time i tried to cover it. this post is a step for me, where i can get rid of my emo self. u may ask, why dont i surrender it to God? i shall tell you what happened on the first night of surge camp. I asked God to send me a vision thrugh my dreams, and well, you know what happened. and as valetine's day approches, again i try to supress my feelings with the main importance to inv people to love me now. yet, it is the only solution that works. i can only counter the feeling with the way God has made me. so, i pray that this post has infused a sense of trust. to further tell you the extent i have gone to, this is almost the same as what i have written in my tawg journal. so be it, God has let this love stay, and he will decide for once will it endure like his.
I am confused, my heart is filled with doubt. Yet God is telling me to presevere. I chose to do this cos I choose to have relentless belief. Yet I know I cannot carry on like this. Either God will relief me of this pain by taking it as I surrender it to him, or he blesses it with the endurance that his love has. But so far, God has been giving signs of only the second. I dont know, for I am afraid. Yes, I am afraid of repeating what has already passed. I really dont know, and God hasn't answered, maybe he has, but I am not prepared for it. For anyone who bothered to read the whole thing, I thank you. But there is still much more.
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
